Wonderful Graces

This is a journal I wrote January 7, 2013.

I write it after I read a John Piper Devotional based on Acts 14:22:
"Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God."

"We should not be surprised that God gives us wonderful graces in the midst of suffering that we had asked Him to spare us. He knows best how to apportion His grace for our good and for His glory." Piper

Piper always puts things so beautifully. We did indeed ask God to spare us this miscarriage--we wanted this baby so badly, but God knew better. He knows our desires for He gave them to us. But God knows what we need in this time--He knows how we need to trust Him more and desire for His will more than our own. Through this I do pray that God would be made known and glorified, though how yet, I do not know. Our hearts are sad and grieving.

My heart is also touched when Piper used "grace" in the plural form and that he described it as "wonderful." In the midst of our present suffering, God had certainly gifted us many graces. The foremost being salvation--Jesus who came to save and take our sin so that we can be pure before our Father. Other graces that have also blessed us recently include--God's love and immense comfort, His (our)church, encouraging friends and family, bosses that care, the ability to pray, purpose in suffering--to name a few [and in no particular order :)] Without God and these graces, I can't imagine what my thoughts would be like or how I would feel. Though deeply saddened, I am at peace, and though in pain I am comforted. I do not question this for I trust God's plan. But I do pray for a heart that is genuinely willing to accept whatever plan that will be.

Although I greatly desire to be a mother, I know that it is not the most important role for me to fill. I must focus on being an obedient and thankful daughter to our great King, and a loving and supportive wife to my incredible husband whom I do not deserve. I am deserving of non of these which gives me the reason to be all the more thankful as well as plenty of motivation to fulfill these roles  to my best with joy and thankfulness.

Fulfilling the role of a mother would be a gift; so until then, I wait, and ask you, Father, for the strength and right mind to complete the blessingS that you have so graciously placed before me.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for kmy power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that lthe power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 mFor the sake of Christ, then, nI am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. Forowhen I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Here We are Again . . .

We are in a situation of loss that we were really hoping we wouldn't be in again. But, we are here now, 14 months later, and learning to deal with another miscarriage all over again.

This second time has been different from the first for many reasons. One is that we were more fearful, and therefore had a harder time getting excited about the pregnancy. Brandon and I experienced the most differences here. Because my body was changing and I was feeling sick and so forth, it was a little easier for me to get excited. Brandon really struggled though because he obviously couldn't feel those things and was trying to protect us emotionally. Secondly, we tried to seek affirmation early on in the pregnancy. We were very anxious to see the baby growing a heart beat and probably spent more time in the doctor's office than we should, but God used that, and I will share about that later. Third, the baby only grew to about 6-7 weeks (last time it grew to 9 weeks). And fourth, because of the third reason and because we, again, found out ahead of time that the pregnancy was turning into a miscarriage, we decide to allow things to pass naturally instead of having a procedure. This turned in to being quite a different experience.

Thankfully, though, a huge similarity is that God has again protected us, sustained us, and has and we know will continue to carry us through this loss. Because of all that we've learned and will continue to learn, we would like to share this journey with you--whomever you may be. We pray that God will use this experience to strengthen your faith as He has done to ours, or maybe show you that He is real and powerful and worth following, and also show that how leaning on others is such a huge help in dealing with emotional and physical pain.

So stay tuned, we have a lot to share . . .

" The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him." Psalm 28:7

Some Summer Crafts

I was very excited to get going on some summer crafts! I really couldn't wait to get out my new sewing machine and put it to work! Here are some of the crafts I have completed!

This took me a long time, but it is my first table runner and matching napkins! I learned much through this process and look forward to many more in the future!

 This was a lovely afternoon watching reruns of I Love Lucy and making table runners for my grandparents anniversary party!

My 4th of July wreath!

 This is a frame that I turned into a dry erase marker board that I will use to remind me of special prayer requests! 

This is a cork board that I covered with fabric so it would look pretty in my kitchen! I needed somewhere to place bills, invitations, etc. where I would see them so that they wouldn't be forgotten about! It has worked great! If you notice in the upper right hand corner, I made a fabric flower out of the same material of my summer table runner so that it matches! I plan on switching it out per season. (We'll see of that really happens! ;) )

I love simply crafts that help to personalize and organize our home!

Our Nephews

We are so thankful for the time we are getting with Brandon's sister Ashley and her sweet family. Our 3 nephews are especially precious! I had some fun taking pictures of them swimming the other evening!

 This is Logan. He is 11 months. He is getting used to California and many new people!

 This is Carsten and he is 2 1/2. He copies everything his big brother says and is hilarious!

 This is Rylan and he is 4. He is constantly making us laugh and says the funniest things. Quiet a charmer this one!

We just eat up every minute with them!!

Being an Auntie and Uncle is pretty much the best thing ever!

Currently Reading

 I am really excited about the books I am currently reading! I don't do very well at reading more than one book at a time, but so far it has not been too bad!! These are all wonderful reads that I highly recommend, so I thought I would share!

This is for my Women's Accountability Group. We just started it, and it is quite dense and incredibly rich! Contentment is a topic that always seems to hit at the depths of my soul. The first chapter has completely convicted my heart, but I am so thankful for it and for the amazing women I get to flesh this out with!

This is for our new Sunday School class! Even though we aren't parents yet, we are gaining amazing wisdom that has already been very helpful in my teaching and in spending time with the wonderful children at church!

I am slowly reading through the Hunger Games series with my creative writing class (10 seventh grade boys!). We absolutely love it! I am reading it all outloud so that is why it is taking some time!

This is one of MANY classics I have yet to read! This is my choosen novel for the summer. I hope to read at least one new classic a year. Brandon and I would love to see the play as well!

Our Easter

We had such a lovely Easter this year! This was the first year that we hosted and we had Brandon's family over and Kristi came too! It was such a beautiful day!

Brandon and I wanted to start a new tradition and as we were thinking about it we realized that all our family members that would be over are Believers--what an amazing thing to celebrate. So we thought it would be nice to take communion together. Before our meal Brandon read that Resurrection story from Luke and we broke bread together. It was very special and something we would like to continue.
I was excited about our Easter decorations! Thanks to Kristi and Jen for helping me put them together!

This is my favorite decoration, a giant (fake) chocolate bunny that my mom bought for me one year!

The other best thing about this year is that I made Great-Grandma Bernard's (my mom's grandma) Ronis!! This is an amazing homemade pasta sauce that takes all day to make. It was my first time making it on Easter and for the Burns. It was really special and turned out pretty well!

Ta-da!!

I have decided that Easter is my favorite holiday. Besides the amazing tradition that my family has connected with it, the meaning behind it is so important.

"And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:14

Jesus is Alive and our sins have been taken!! The power of that statement is so heavy and because of it, our lives are changed forever.

I am so thankful for a Pastor who reminds us of this truth weekly. Christ's death and resurrection is not something we focus on once a year, we hear it weekly, and we must. What an amazing reason to celebrate. My heart is so full and thankful. Thank you Father . . .

My Resolve

January was a good month. I really enjoyed all the time that Brandon and I took to reflect on 2011 and make plans for 2012--my alone time was just as convicting and full.
I read this the on the great Passionate Homemaking blog and I keep rereading it. I have made it my prayer for 2012:

In her book, Keep A Quiet Heart, Elisabeth Elliot encourages us to focus on the most important of New Year’s hopes:

“Will the young woman find a mate? Will the couple have a child? Maybe this year will be the year of desire fulfilled. Perhaps, on the other hand, it will be the year of desire radically transformed, the year of finding, as we have perhaps not yet truly found, Christ to be the All-Sufficient One, Christ the ‘deep sweet well of Love’” (page 49).

This year, let us ask God to dissolve all our hopes (however good they may be!) into a single hope: to know Christ and to be found in Him. May this be a year of desire radically transformed, a deeper, truer, knowing of Christ as our All-Sufficient One.

“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (Philippians 3:7-8a).

This encouragement continues to fill my Spirit, and it is my genuine desire. To attain this goal, I will need discipline and help from my husband, family, and my sisters in Christ. Please keep me (us) accountable to this.

Family Wall

Our Family Wall is a project I have been wanting to do since we moved in, and I just got it up this weekend! I love the fact that we have a long hallway, so it, of course, has to be filled with family pictures!

Above the pictures is says, Family is forever.

The middle picture is one of our engagement pictures that people signed at our wedding, and on both sides are recent pictures of our families!

We love our wall, and we love seeing the faces of our beautiful family everyday!

We are so blessed with such amazing families! We love you all!

Special Friend, Special Gifts

I am truly blessed with the most amazing girlfriends. I love how each of them have their own wonderful and unique qualities, and each of them bring something different and special to my life.

Jennae blesses me in more ways than one, two, three, or five! We met while serving the junior high group at our church in Clovis in 2004. Since then, even through me moving away, the Lord continues to draw us closer together as friends and sisters. One of the many gifts the Lord has blessed her with is gift giving. Every gift I receive from Jennae has meaning and purpose behind it. Her most recent gifts took the cake.

For my birthday (in September) she gave me 2 things. One was a journal where she wrote the sweetest message to Baby Burns, love Auntie Jennae. The second was a CD full of worship songs. They both were such an incredible blessing, and the Lord sure used them. While I was pregnant, I was so sick that I struggled reading in general, but I was really struggling with my bible reading, and I shared that with her. So she gave me the CD so I could relax and enjoy songs about the Lord while worshiping Him. The journal was so I could record all the events and emotions and thoughts throughout the pregnancy, and that I did.

(photo taken in Forest Falls)

What was really amazing was the way these gifts were used during and after the miscarriage.

I was SO thankful for both. When everything was happening and we could do nothing but cry, the CD brought great peace. One amazing song really hit me. It says, "He gives and takes away, for He knows what's good for us." The Lord knew how we need to grow through this experience, and I know He will will continue to show us His plans for this in the future.

The journal served as a great healing factor. It was really great to be able to write down all my thoughts from the beginning of the pregnancy to the end. I will cherish this journal forever. This baby will always be our first child, and I am thankful that I have these memories.

My dearest friend and sister, I can not thank you enough for all your love, care, prayers, and support. The Lord is using you mightily in my life and many others. I wish we lived closer, but even through distance you continue to be one of my closest friends. You are such a calming factor in my life. Thank you for always being a beautiful example of a woman of God. I love you!

Roots

A couple days after we found out that we lost our baby, Brandon and I were able to get away and enjoy some time alone in the beautiful and fresh mountains of Forest Falls. We found a beautiful and quiet little area by some little waterfalls. Our time there was crucial to our personal healing and grieving. Right when we sat down, I immediately noticed this tree, and this is what I journaled . . .

In front of me is a tree whose roots are completely above ground. As I look at it more closely, I wonder how it is still standing--it must have strong roots underground. This makes me think about the truth and love of the Lord and how deep it runs. I feel like right now I have many roots that are sticking out and visible. Roots of fear, anxiety, doubt. Though, even still, I, we, are still standing, and though weak at times, we are standing strong. Through this sadness, we have not wavered in the truth of Christ and in the knowledge and trust of His goodness. So like this tree, we stand with roots of God's grace deep within our hearts as this tree's roots and deep within this soil, and for that my heart is thankful.

"Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving."

Colossians 2:6-7

I know you are using this as a teaching time, Lord, and though right now I have to tell my heart to be grateful, I know I eventually will be. Father, please use this as a time where we may share your name and your goodness in time of sorrow--boldly. May we not waste this sadness.

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Our Star, Our Gift

This is a picture of our Star. Brandon and I found it while we were enjoying some time away in Forest Falls this past Saturday. We decided it would be representative our our first baby.

These past 12 weeks (technically 8 since we have known) have been a beautiful gift from the Lord. Brandon and I have already learned amazing things about having a child, and we are so thankful for this short time.

We experienced the greatest joy when the doctor confirmed we were pregnant. And then even more joy when we got to share the news with our family and friends.

We experienced quite a change of pace in our normal routine of things as I was sick. Though so difficult then, I am so thankful for now. As hard as it was, it was a reminder that the baby was growing and alive, and it comforted me.

We experienced excitement as we started planning and adjusting life to prepare for our little one to come. (I was planning on not finishing the school year and staying home next year with the baby.)

Then we experienced such sadness and sorrow as we found out that the baby was no longer with us. News so unexpected is never easy to handle, especially when it is the loss of a child. You don't know what to do but just cry.

Then we felt uplifted as our church, family, and friends interceded for us and lifted us up in prayer. Constant texts, calls, and cards were beautiful reminders of the amazing people the Lord has blessed us with.

We finally experienced Peace. After several days of grieving, time in the Word, prayer, and time with family, God brought us such an amazing peace that surpasses all understanding. Our God is so good and gracious. Knowing the truth that this baby was not a mistake. Our Father created him/her, and the little one is now with Him in His arms. He knew this would be a trial that would test our faith and streghten us as a couple. What a gift.

Now we experience Hope. Hope for the future in what the Lord's plan for our family is.

The following verse (among MANY others) has calmed our hearts and has focused our minds:

"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again Rejoice . . . The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7

This has always been one of my favorite verses, and it again has penetrated my heart.

Thank you so much for the many of you who have been praying for us! We ask that you continue to pray as we continue to learn to move forward.

We love you and we thank you.

More to come . . . we look forward to sharing more about what the Lord has taught us through this journey.

Party Weekend . . .

The first weekend of October we had such a great time with a trip up to Clovis for a party weekend--double birthday party for Grandpa and Liz, and then Diana's babies shower!

It started with the birthday party on Saturday night which was a great time!

The babies shower for Diana--twin boys coming soon!--was Sunday afternoon. We had a great time throwing this shower and props to Holly and Mom for their creativity and awesome planning!

Here are some fun details and pic from the shower.

Giants theme was an easy choice!!

We tried to go for a more "classy" baseball theme. Here are the centerpieces.

Holly made the adorable pennant banners as well as the pennants in the centerpieces.

My mom thought to get baseball bats as a way for guests to sign in.

The adorable cake was made by a girl that Kristi lives with. Not only was it super cute, but it tasted amazing as well!

Diana may be the cutest mommy we have ever seen!

Me at 10 weeks & Diana at 27 weeks with twins! lol

We are SO thankful and excited to have our children close together. I grew up very close to David (Diana's husband) and his brother Clint. Our family as a whole is very close, especially all us cousins, and we pray that we will enjoy may fun and sweet times with our own children!

Diana's family

Aunt Debbie and Beth (missing Megan)

Holly, Katie, Aunt Maxine, and Heather

Kristi and Katie enjoying a rootbeer!

Beautiful quilt made by Aunt Maxine!

Amazing bedding hand-made by Holly.

Grandma Boogaard!

Diana and her sweet nieces!

It was truly a great weekend, and we are SO thrilled for you David and Diana!!